Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Tuesday's Squirmen

Good Tuesday fine flock! Yea, the Lard's day is back upon us. I have been wondering what this week's squirmen will be about, and after much contemplation I was still undecided. That is, until I just read sister Lucy's new blog. Sister Lucy has a pair of passive aggressive neighbors that are pushing her compassion to the bursting point. So that brings us to today's subject: Stupid Fuckers Who Just Take Take Take (SFWJTTT). (Pronounced sfidgets.)

What is a good Lard loving person to do when confronted with a sfidget? Here I think we have an intersection of parables and a contradiction of commandments. On the one hand, we have the cheek turning doctrine, i.e. when someone smacks you in the face, give them a fresh new pile of face flesh to pound. This path probably is the best for the soul, but it pretty much sucks ass for the body and society.

Realistically, if there isn't some greater pressure or force to make the Sfidgets stop, then they will keep on hitting/taking/putting you on the back of the bus/ dragging you behind trucks and tying you to barbed wire/ invading Czechoslovakia and committing genocide. Which brings us to the contradiction. The Lard helps them that helps themselves, right? Laying down (see the French circa WWII) and hoping things won't be that bad is just not going to cut it with a sfidget. Nope, Sfidgets must be smacked, verbally or physically.

But do we abandon the compassion? Nay I say. Practice compassion with everyone and never pre-assume they are a sfidget! But keep your eyes open flock. Look for telltale sfidget signs. And remember, once you've spotted a sfidget, never trust them again. But what if you think YOU are a sfidget? Ah, well, that is a squirmen for another day.

Till next week my sweets! Keep the Lard in your hearts.


luckybuzz said...

Erm. Now, HOW do I know if I'm a sfidget? I feel a little sfidgety.

And, just out of curiosity, are Pork Cracklins, like, apostles or something?

adjunct whore said...

amen,gb. amen.

MaggieMay said...

Can I get a witness?

I am quite sure the Lard is in my heart. My arteries, too, I bet.

crse said...

I need to smack me some sfidgets. And no LB you are not a sfidget.

Lucy said...

Preach it GB.