Hear ye hear ye. I have decided that Tuesdays are going to be sermon days. I was moved by Gretty's and Crse's Tuesday Twelves. The thankful posts of said sisters have put me in a prosthelitizing mood. Verily and yea. I realize now that the good Lard has shown the benevolence to grease my brain skids and spread a little of Hisser (pronounced his-her, do not be frightened by serpent similarities!) wisdom. The subject of today's sermon: stupid fuckers in positions of authority.
What exactly is a SFIPOA? We've all encountered them. The poor souls, bless their hearts, who have been promoted due their ability to follow the rules punctiliously. Give them a checklist and these single celled wonders show a remarkable ability to excell. But what happens when they get promoted? Real life, in all its facets starts to creep up on them! Things, infernal things, non-checklist things begin to appear. And they have to make decisions, impossible decisions. Can you imagine their terror, brothers and sisters, when they have to try and contort a non-checklist item into a checklist item? The process typically goes like this: 1) Um, this isn't on my list; 2) Okay, I think I understand what you said, but this isn't on my list; 3) Ok, yes, but you've got to understand this isn't on my list; 4) Well, I'm going to need to see some proof that this should be on my list.
The list, brothers and sisters, was not created by the Lard hisself. Nay. The list was created by the person, the good American capitalist, who started the business in the first place. That person understood the reason behind the list. The list was a broad tool to achieve goals. The list was not an end result. But what is a stupid fucker in a position of authority to do? They don't understand the reason behind the list. They barely understand which end of a fork to use. So try compassion. Put yourself in the gel-insert shoes of the SFIPOA. Think, but for the grease of Lard, that could be me. And then kill them.
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In the grand tradition of preachers of yore, I come to you with hat in hand hoping for a little something to pay for the booze. Or booze.
4 comments:
Word. Verily I say unto you that I hast spied many people today which understandeth not which end of the fork to use. Case in point: Guy at Quizno's who took my "To Go" order and gave it to me "For Here". Hardly a tragedy, but still.
But how can you tell a stupid fucker in a position of authority from a smart fucker in a position of authority? I am an SIFPOA. Super Intelligent Fucker in a Position of Authority. Please do not kill me.
When confronted with a non-checklist item, I say "aha! I need a new list!" and it all works out in the end. :) To my benefit at least.
A place in hell, there is for me!
Sending good vibes of retribution and revenge your way! It's the least I can do to help.
I love teh Quiznos, you should have taken the little Q shaped basket out the door. Or is it one of the comic strip talk bubbles? Hmmmm.....
BTW, as a SIFPOA, you are totally safe. In fact, you are the ideal. But unfortunately, I think there is a cosmic rule that SIFPOAs are only allowed to wield their authority against Stupid Fuckers Who Can't Even Follow A List. Consequently, anyone who would appreciate you is automatically banned by the Lard from being a tenant/employee or whatever. Thus the universe stays in balance.
And L.B., nice Arlo reference!
What about SIFWCEFAL? (blushing. that would be me) Im happy to tell you though that all you need to short circuit a SFIPOA is to add one crse. Papers will fly and lists will suddenly burst into flames...I am the anticrse. I bring my four horsemen "disarray" "coffee soaked documents" "lost paperwork" and "problems that don't fit on the list" with me as I descend upon you SFIPOA. And we shall wreak devastation on the land. Seriously? My boss told me one of my co-workers said I spread my ADD like highly contagious veneral disease. You need that. Come home.
Tell it, Brother!
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