I forget sometimes that other people are interested in non-monogomy/polyamory/other crappy terms I hate.
I forget that some people live in areas where this is shameful. (*practically everywhere)
I can honestly say it was easier for me to tell my parents that I like to sleep with boys than it was to tell them I am non-monogomous.
So anyway, this post isn't going to be witty or anything like that. Rather, it is meant to merely say that there are normal people out there who love each other VERY MUCH, and are totally committed to each other, and who choose to be non-monogomous. It can be done. But it is hard.
So my poly peeps, take heart, you are not alone. But please don't become poly to breathe life into a dying marriage....like babies, it doesn't fix anything. Also, don't become poly to secretly search for the next person you want to be monogomous with. Grrrr. I only recommend it to people who are in love and want to stay together forever. Without that, it is just too hard. If you aren't in love, then don't go poly. Break up or stay together, but don't go poly.
This post is an open invitation for people having a hard time with this stuff to ask about my tribulations....seek advice.....sympathy....or whatever.
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In the grand tradition of preachers of yore, I come to you with hat in hand hoping for a little something to pay for the booze. Or booze.
5 comments:
great advice....yes, i can't imagine going poly without a loving and trusting partner you wanted to die with.
dear doctor bob,
my tiny cat loves everyone, but she is very shy. my furry cat pretends to love everyone, but she is kind of a bitch. do you think a poly lifestyle can help them?
thanks.
feloly curious
First, congratulations baby, you've earned the longest comment Ive ever written (you thought provoking little minx!) and second, this probably goes without saying that when I say "you" here Im obviously not talking about you Gospel Bob. Except when I say "you" in the context of a prolific little blogsar of course! I wonder if they will let me post all this. You know if it was anybody else, i would not have bestowed the honor on them right?
Ive come to realize lately that not only do I despise labels (non-monogamy, polyamory, dysfunctional parentory, goat burnory etc)
etc) and the fact that "rules" seem to be implied with certain labels but also that I get really pissed off when people use labels as an excuse to be shitty in interpersonal relationships (well, particularly in relationships with me!)
Oh and it also is very frustrating when people put their belief systems on my marriage thus assuming that they know more about what is happening in my marriage than we do. Actually id even go so far as to say that it freaks me out pretty damn bad.
We've always struggled with people making inaccurate conclusions and/or judgments about our relationship, whether its disapproval of our gender role fluidity or a lack of understanding (and subsequent denial) about how closely connected we actually are or claiming that their own inaccurate and disapproving judgment of me/us is out of "respect" to our relationship. I think that one pisses me off the most. How dare people make assumptions that they know what my fucking soul mate (who I will die with who reads my mind and gets my jokes and makes me fall in love with him all over again about ten or twelve times a day) and I "need" to do or be. Oh yes i get it because you were there for thirteen years every day. I wish we had known you knew so much about us when we were clinging together in fear and dread knowing that we couldnt let go because we are the only thing we can believe in. That you shared our dreams and pain and our most ecstatic and mundane moments.And obviously you were there because how the FUCK else would you even be able to muster up the AUDACITY it takes to speak with such authoritative disrespect to/about our marriage? We would have probably tried to borrow money from you had we known.
Gill continually reminds me that other people will never understand what we have and that we dont have to prove ourselves to anyone. Which usually leads to us singing bon jovi songs that we taught each other just so we could sing them loudly in sad desperate voices to each other while clutching each other's hands.
Whoa GB, that must have touched a damn nerve! Serves you right with your open invitation. You are still a blogstar. And I do want to know your advice for Sky's cats.
ok i just want to clarify that this was the result of an adderall fuelled week of barely sleeping. And that Im grateful that we have people like you and LB who just let us be us.
Sweet jehovah, what have I done? You go CRSE! I totally agree. It sucks bad balls when people who know nothing about your relationship assume they know everything on a morsel of information. Pretty rude and insulting.
Skycat -- I'm intrigued by your feline situation. I think poly might be just the thing for them. Don't be surprised if furry cat starts fast but is eclisped in the long run by tiny cat's Scorpio like passion. But remember, always play safe. FIV is no joke.
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